Friday, May 19, 2006

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

I'm at my desk and it feels like I've swallowed a rock. I've cried two times today.
I woke up, wondering how to handle my new dog. The whining when I have to crate him when I leave. The futility of making the crate appealing. The fear of neighbor complaints.

Heartland Weimaraner Rescue, based out near Kansas City, gave me some great hints. For instance, refer to if you want a CD that plays soothing lullabies under the backdrop of a mother's heartbeat. Try kenneling the pup throughout the day, but gradually increasing the time you spend away.

But she called and said she didn't want to pressure me, but a perfect family has inquired about adopting a puppy Weimaraner. The mom stays at home. The dad is a cop. There is another dog to play with. They have kids, a back yard and a loving family. It's more than I can give him. And so, with only two weeks under my belt, I give up Friedman, knowing he is going to a place that I cannot provide right now.

I do this with some comfort. Great comfort in that I know he's going to a great family. I do this knowing I didn't send the dog to the Humane Society (A great organization, but too often abused by people who use it as a dumping ground for pets beyond their control. I can't judge, but if you're in a position where you can no longer keep your pets, please, please inquire into nearby rescue operations before going to the Humane Society. It's costlier, but it will usually give you more peace of mind).

I thought I was numb to music. Lyrics haven't affected me recently, with the exception of Neko Case. Now, almost any song I hear scraps me. Sort of like hearing a general lyric like "I won't forget you..." - and then you get in a situation such as a death or a catastrophic breakup, and all of a sudden, those so-called pedestrian lyrics take on the weight of an anchor.

I'm envisioning my dog running in an open field right now to the tune of the Beatles' Blackbird...

Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to arrive
Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Even boyish Emo-rock...something I'm supposed to be immune to, is moving me to tears, thinking of the Sunday where I give my first dog away...

Hold me in your freezin' arms / Before we have to go.
I wince a little, but it's not because I know the truth / The windshield of your little car is frosted through the glass
A clear heart of air appears as we shiver on the seats / It's the same(It's the same, the same) -
Snow Patrol

Heartland Weimaraner Rescue


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